courage & goals

I’m at Maxim’s cafe on a layover in Paris waiting for my Madrid flight feeling a bit like Joni Mitchell as a woman behind me plays guitar quite beautifully. It creates an essence in the air, which although very quiet, sets a subtle tone amongst what might be angst in my fellow travelers. I admire her courage to just be herself and feel free to play out in the open. It’s exactly what I need, along with my cappuccino, after a long 10hr flight.

I sometimes really love being a lone gypsy for a short fantasy of a while. It gives me time to ponder, and reevaluate my current affairs. I just spent some time browsing through this years journal to reflect on where I am. I must say, this year has been good so far. I start each year with a list of goals, then make a list under each goal of what I need to do to accomplish each one. Then I put in my yearly calendar a target date of when I’d like the goal accomplished. Something in this process really helps to manifest these things into reality.

This year’s primary focus was on ME and my mind, body, and spirit. Then came family, children, home, and the land. Finally, strategy of work. It was quite courageous to make myself the top priority this year, especially in a world, and a business, where everything seems so urgent and fleeting. I knew that if I didn’t center myself first, then nothing exterior would flourish. So here we are in October, 3 months to go before I’ll start my new list of goals and projections and I’m feeling good about these last 10 months.

Here are some of the things listed under the ME section: daily practice, meditation, Tae Kwon Do, Pilates, breath, good food, Bhakti, radiance, femininity, calmness, peacefulness, and flexibility. Many of these things seem vague but slowly, over time, I see the results. I realize if I don’t give to me first, how can I give to ANYTHING else completely? My son Dakota said to me on the way to school recently, “Mom, I’m really proud of you, you are much more patient and calm compared to how you used to be.” For my 10 year old to notice means a lot. Even more I see it as a reflection in my kids, they too seem more relaxed and vibrant as a result.

Then there is family, the land, and home. This definitely is one of our biggest demands and priorities, yet sometimes gets the least of our attention. The list reads: love, schedule, routine, discipline, family time, sunsets, organization, veggie garden deluxe, chickens, and honey bees. Although we missed a season in the garden, still haven’t got chickens, or honey bees, there is a better flow in the home and on the land. There are always demands and things that come up unexpected, things that break and need fixing. We have a routine, discipline, and more organization, but also leave room for flexibility. I clearly posted the rules on the refrigerator, and have made the concept of reward and consequence a big deal this year. It’s important for the kids to understand. It’s karma, or cause and effect. What we put out is what we get back. We definitely still have our days of defiance, stubbornness, fighting, and chaos but somewhere in the midst of it, the attention to the larger whole has put some order in it.

Last on my list was work. Not that it was any less important, as I’m very grateful for that in which supports me and my family. But this year I was willing to put faith in the universe and follow my heart, a hard thing to do sometimes. There is always so much outside pressure and the fear of the unknown. Yet somewhere within my new state of calm, and my practice, gave me the faith that all would be ok; to just trust. And so I have, and still do. Part of what I put on this section was to not travel more than 2 times a month. I needed this. Not easy in my business, but it allowed me to set priorities, and get focused. I have been spending a lot of time strategizing where I want to go, and what I want to create. Instead of just running with what is thrown at me, take a more active role in creating what I want. More and more I need what is authentic to ME. I can’t just play a role as a model, actress, and spokesperson. I want to now create from my heart, as a mother, activist, and pioneer. I want to do things with meaning, with a reverence to the planet and life.

There is a lot in the mixing pot right now and I needed this year to conjure it all up. I have a feeling that next year the top of the list is going to be filled with these plans coming to life. Yet I now know that the space of ME must be maintained as a daily practice in order to stay centered and intuitive throughout it all. I must say, I am excited. There is much to look forward to but it feels great just being here now. Listening to this beautiful faint sound of the guitar and song behind me. I also will strive for the courage to be myself and feel free to play out in the open.

Love & Light,